Ghetto Chinese

My alarm went off at 7am. I work later today, but have errands to run. I hit snooze…for an hour. 8am. Finally find the will to go to the bathroom, phone in hand. Taco Bell and what is referred to lovingly as “Ghetto Chinese” in my town, was maybe not the best combination last night. Im deep in thought when I’m startled by my own cough. Sounds serious. Oh God, is this the initial symptoms of thyroid cancer? Wonder what stage I’m in? Will they have to operate and take the whole thing out? I’m I gonna lose me voice? How long will it take me to learn sign language? *Starts looking up sign language apps* I hear my alarm going off. I must not have turned it off when I got up. I snap out of my thyroid cancer “fantasy” and tell myself the lump I’ve had for 20 years in my left breast will take me first. I brush my teeth and wonder if it’s called “Ghetto Chinese” because it’s in the ghetto part of town or something else…my entire town looks like the opening title sequence of “Slumdog Millionaire”. How ghetto is this Chinese exactly? I look in the mirror. I’m glad I never had kids. I would be a terrible mom. I would love to have a child. No,….I would be a horrible parent. What would I name my kid? STOP! What if I had twins? STOP! I grab my comb and it slips out of my hand to the floor. Oh my God! Do I have MS? I do have leg cramps quite frequently. I hear that’s the most common first symptom that goes unrecognized. Bends over to pick up the comb and my back is stiff. I have arthritis now too. I look myself in the actual face one one brief second and start scrolling through YouTube. Post Malone, sure, why not? I look at myself in the mirror again, only this time more toward the ear area. It’s difficult to really look at your whole self when you hate you. Instead I look at parts…I gotta cut that alarm off. Alarm clocks are the non heroic person’s PTSD trigger. I reach for the bathroom door knob. Is Post Malone Jewish? Why the name Post? The cashew chicken was really good at “Ghetto” maybe I will get orange chicken next time. I hate that alarm. 8:17am. I’m exhausted.